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The Search

After the three strange visitors, nothing happened in my life for several years. The life was dull and monotonous without any spiritual experience. Worldly attractions kept me going. The search for the unknown was there unabated as an undercurrent but nothing noteworthy happened for a long time.

Indian Army


As the Master follows you like your shadow, as He is ever all-sacrificing, as the disciples He came in search of, know not themselves and Him, the possibility of His explaining His words and deeds is absent. This continues to be so, as the disciples are in such an inevitable ignorance, that they are incapable of understanding that the Master is ever Himself, His words, His deeds and the exposition of His deeds. This is true of all Masters and their beloved disciples, of all times.

How to understand the Master rightly? In this world ordained by the law of God, every man is born only in ignorance of this law, its course and the method of countenancing it. He dies only in such ignorance because either he has not made use of the opportunity given to him or no opportunity was ever given to him on account of his misdeeds. This generally applies to humans.

Man becomes aware of himself only after he attains communion with the Master. Only then he comes to life from a mere ambulant existence. It is not as if he is unaware of the changes caused by the arrival of the Master. It is not as if, he does not experience the Master’s benevolence. It is not as if he does not draw from the experiences caused in the Master’s holy congregation. In this manner, as he knows, draws and experiences, he is elevated to higher thoughts and higher feelings. Even there, if he remains aware as taught by the Master, he realises that the one who came and the one who sent him are the same. When he realises this, forms cause no confusion to him.

This is so  because he fully realises that form is transitory and is not final. Further, the contours of the forms cease to be impediments to him once he realises that God created everything. Only when he realises the supreme truth that “the one who came and the one who sent him are the same” he understands the Master. Till that moment he is only a person attempting to understand the Master and not one who has understood.

For anyone the Master’s voice is the most intimate one – be it inner or outer voice. For any aspirant the voice of the Master should be as good as his own.

For anyone the Master’s voice is the most intimate one – be it inner or outer voice. For any aspirant the voice of the Master should be as good as his own.

When one is thirsty, the other gives water to him. He considers him as his enemy and turns to the other who offers fire for thirst. That is the play of Satan or the evil or delusion or Maya or whatever you may call it. If we stand firm they will disappear like the morning dew. How beautiful the morning dew looks! We don’t even feel like setting one foot on the grass and if you view early, at the arrival of the sun they disappear. Reason and love, they are the two eyes, which the Master gives, because he has similar eyes and he wants us to have his own eyes. Very simple, he gives us his eyes. To be further simple, he gives us himself.


There is no form in anything. There is form in everything. There is form in every religion. All religions preach the formless too.

f you seek, it is enough if you know that you seek. Others need not know that you seek. Is it possible that one can be unaware of one’s pursuit? It is possible. Initially it is not known; even an idea of the destination or object is absent.

The seeker makes the deity in his own image and hence realises his power. Does he not, in that state, realise his inability also? Does he not know what he is incapable of? Can you jump across the Ocean? Isn’t it a limitation? Can you feed all the hungry? Isn’t it a limitation? Though you cannot feed them, can’t you be moved by their hunger? Is that not limitlessness? Can you cast that in form? Casting limitations in form, one gets caught in limitations. The limitless cannot be cast. Hence man refuses to accept it.

To train one’s mind one thinks in terms of shapes and forms. How can one think of the formless? You have trained your mind which did not have these shapes and forms before. You control it further to transcend them. Train. Don’t close your eyes. Sharpen your eyes and penetrate into the soul. If you have not seen yourself, you cannot see others.

My conventional education ended with school i.e. known as SSLC in those days. I joined Indian Army and was there for three years. My head-strong, independent nature did not allow me to take orders from others; hence I had to discontinue army service. That episode ended in 1963 a little before Indo- China war broke out. Later I came to know that the entire batch to which I belonged in the training center except for two friends who were wounded and hence had to return to base camp, lost their lives in the war. I did not know whether to feel relieved or to be ashamed of my decision to leave the Army when the country needed its sons to protect the boundaries. Now I am of the opinion that no boundaries or borders really exist. A war for such man-made ficticious boundaries is grave misunderstanding of Gods wish...

Lord has blessed me with three lovable good children….one son and two daughters. As the children were growing up, my thirst for truth was also intensifying. I thought I should equip myself to proceed in the yogic path though I was not clear in my mind about how to equip myself or which path to pursue as there was no guidance from anywhere.

In the absence of proper guidance, I wanted to study Bagawat Geetha and chant Vishnu sahasranamam,Venkatesa suprapatham, Sashti kavacham etc. I was progressing slowly in memorizing the verses in the unfamiliar language so that I could chant while not actively involved in any work. The meaning of Geetha was slowly sinking into my mind. It was absorbing, interesting and it intensified my resolve to locate a guru in order to pursue the Yoga path.


At this juncture, a close friend of mine, Smt Seetha Kunchithapadam, was also interested in yoga. Both of us bought hundreds of books on spiritual subject and exchanged them between us. Those books were fuel for the spiritual fire burning inside. Those books were able to throw some light on areas which were unclear until then. We were constantly in search of guru and wanted to meet one at the earliest possible opportunity. My sister fixed an appointment with the head of divine life society of Rishikesh to get initiated into Raja yoga, which is another popular system of yoga and booked train tickets for the trip. The founder father of that institution Swami Sivananda saraswathi is a well known yogi of Himalayas. I have read many of his books. He is a powerful writer. Every word of his books carried spiritual vibrations. Today Sivananda Ashram is one of the largest spiritual institutions in India and abroad. Even today if I visit Himalayas I stay in his ashram and meditate in the Kutir on the banks of the river Ganges where he pursued yoga in the early days of his practice. That Kutir is still alive and vibrating like his books. His books were great encouragement for me. I submit my salutations at his lotus feet. Well, we could not keep that appointment as we found another yogi at Chennai itself.

The First Guru

Through magazine article, we came to know about a person who taught Kundalini Yoga. Both of us along with another friend and neighbor Mr. Sambandam, who is also a disciple of Doctor now , approached that person. At the time of initiation, a colleague of Mr. Sambandam by name Sudhakar, my friend Smt.,SeethaKunchithapadam also joined us. All the four of us were initiated into the system called symplified Kundalini yoga. We practiced sincerely. I had to leave that instiution as something inside me was telling that he is not my guru. My other friends also left in search of their Master elsewhare. Mr.Sambandam, Mr.Sudhakar and I are disciples of Doctor now. My friend Smt. Seetha joined the institution Ramachandra Mission, a spiritual institution. Before the call of Doctor, I had an opportunity to meet another spiritual person.

One More Guru

My friend and I were thinking about re-scheduling our Himalayan trip for initiation at the Sivananda ashram. In the meanwhile, I came to know about a person who taught Vasi Yoga at Chennai. My sister was not keen on meeting this person. My friend Sambandam had already found his guru and was regularly visiting him. I visited this yogi. The looks of this person matched the image I had about guru. He had a long beard; long hair tied in the shape of crown on his head, very fair,and wore saffron colored Dhothi. His eyes were powerful and his smile was compassionate. I was in a jubilant mood seeing a person who met all conditions of my guru concept. He gave me a few books to read about Vasi yoga in Tamil language. One or two books were in English. Those books were written by him. The books were interesting and encouraging. I visited him frequently and was looking forward to geting initiated. After a month or so, he asked me to bring my wife along. He said he will initiate me along with my wife. He insisted that married people should take initiation together. My wife agreed and both were there at his place in Ayyanavaram. He was in meditation at the time of our visit and came out after an hour. He was talking to both of us and asked me for the first time about my profession. I said I was a poultry farmer. He was taken aback to know that I sold poultry meat. His attitude changed instantly and said, “I can not give initiation to a person who is involved in killing. You have to first give up this profession if you want to pursue vasi yoga”. And he added, “ know that if you kill a bird the sin will have to be shared by seven people” etc. I was totally disappointed and dejected. I told him that my children were pursuing their education, one in college and the other two in school. If I give up that business, it would be very difficult for me to establish another source of income to meet the expenditure. I said that I couldnot risk that. But he did not budge. He said, “You have come to me. Lord will show you the path and you will find another profession. You can come to me for vasi yoga when you have done that” He also asked me how could I ask anyone to share my sin? Well, he was right. How could I?


At that time I was not aware that Lord, instead of showing the path though someone else, decided to come personally to take care of my spiritual progress. It happened at last through my friend and neighbour!

That day I came home, locked myself in my room and cried for an hour or so. I pleaded to my personal deity Lord Krishna and fought with him. If this was sin, why did he give that profession to me? There was no answer. A few days passed by. My friend Sambandam told me that he was practicing Vasi yoga under the guidance of his guru Dr.A.Nithiyanandam. He had told his guru about me and had got his permission to take me to him. He asked me whether I was willing to go with him. With a little hesitation and queries, I accepted and visited Doctor the next day in his hospital at Alandur.powerful and penetrating. But for that he looked like an ordinary man. He did not satisfy a single point of my guru concept. I was a bit disappointed but was ready to compromise! ( How ignorant I was at that time!). He asked me. “What do you want?” I said, “I want initiation in the path of yoga.” He asked, “what were you doing all these days?’ I said that I was doing pranayama etc. and also I told him about what happened to me a few days ago at a yogis place. He did not answer me directly but the answer came from another disciple of Doctor by name Smt Nirmala Janakiraman . She quoted an episode from an epic about a butcher who lived in ancient city Kasi in north India. She said that he was a great yogi and philosopher. She also said that his profession was not a hindrance in his spiritual path. Hearing this some peace descended on me and I looked at this dark lean man in safari suit. I thought that I would like this man! The word ‘like’ is the most inadequate term with regard to my feelings towards doctor now. I am not a poet so I cannot venture into explanation to express my exact feelings. Simply put, I love him…love him… him….love him endlessly. He is infinite and so is my love for Him.

Come back a little while later….I have a lot more to talk about him and my association with the great Master, that is HIM!


Article submitted on 10th August,2008

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