A little while later, one day as we were talking to him in the hospital at Alandur, doctor narrated an episode in his life. He said that it happened in his childhood days. He loved his mother very much he said. Occasionally if his mother fell ill he used to write letter on a piece of paper informing Divine Mother about his mother’s illness, sought cure and speedy recovery. This letter will be placed in a place on the loft in his house. Like magic his mother would recover very fast and become normal. When everyone around asked many questions about that strange methodology, I asked him a straightforward question. “Doctor, if I write my problems on a piece of paper and keep it in my table draw, will you read that and solve my problem or should I tell you when I sit for meditation?” I asked. He looked straight into my eyes with his penetrating eyes and said “use any method you choose fit. I will find out.” I didn’t say anything then, but I wrote a letter as soon as I returned home about a personal problem which was spoiling my sleep and peace of mind. I placed it in my table draw. I expected him to answer me the next morning when I meet him at Alandur Hospital. Not only the next day but for several days he didn’t open his mouth on my problem. I couldn’t tolerate his silence any longer. After a week, I asked him whether he read my letter. He did not look at me but said, “You have complicated the matter as much as you can. Do you think it can be solved overnight? A fully grown tree cannot be felled in one stroke. One has to cut it branch by branch, cut the trunk and finally remove the root. Leave it to me. I will take care of it. Your job is to meditate and meditate regularly”. I didn’t say a word after this. I know the matter was so much complicated that any normal human being can’t hope to find a solution for that problem. “Oh! He is very powerful man” was one thought and I was also afraid to think that I can’t have any secret from this man. Is it good or bad? I couldn’t decide. Either he should be a powerful spiritual guru with all ‘siddhi powers’ or he should be a magician using cheap tricks. Can I trust him? I couldn’t decide yet. I was enjoying the pleasure and comfort of indecision for some more time.
Within a few weeks time, I had different kind of experience which shook the foundation of my logic. After attending the hospital at Alandur, it was his routine to take electric train at St.Thomas Mount railway station and go to SIAA club situated near Rippon buildings. It is normal routine for Sambandam to take him in his cycle to station. On a few occasions, he came in my scooter up to the station. On such occasions, I will accompany him to the platform, see him off in the train and go home. That particular day, the topic of discussion in the hospital was about the pros and cons of wrong doings and the resultant karmas. This was going on and on in my mind and I was worried very much because, we repeatedly commit the same mistake by habit or weakness,even though we know pretty well that it is wrong. How to get rid of this habit? Can I ever overcome all these weaknesses and become a good man? Knowingly or unknowingly I have committed a lot of errors in the past. What would be the cumulative effect of all those past deeds? While walking with him up to the platform of the station the thought process of my mind was like I said above. Both were walking silently. When we reached the platform, he suddenly threw a sidelong glance at me. It was not an ordinary glance. It can be compared to miniature lightning. But he spoke in soft voice, “look, if you committed an error and don’t wish to repeat it, what you have to do is to tell yourself that I will not do it again. And try your best to adhere to that resolve. Supposing you failed again, tell yourself very strongly that you will never commit that deed again in your life. And don’t do it again. That is it. No use of brooding over past deeds and drowning in self pity. It wouldn’t help you in any way”.
I couldn’t say anything by way of an answer or acknowledgement to him. He got into the train and the train moved away. Everything happened in a few minutes time. It looked like I was in trance. I couldn’t come out of that easily. Now my worry was different. Is he a mind-reader or a spiritual guru? Can I trust him? The heart said I can but the mind warned me to be cautious. To be alone with him was embarrassing. That was very strange feeling. I liked him and at the same time his presence was embarrassing me. In spite of my dilemma I was very regular in my meditation. It was absorbing me slowly and steadily. In spite of my suspicious mind, I was getting closure to him day by day. Other disciples would tell me their experiences with Doctor. The faith that he wouldn’t do any harm to me was strengthening in me as days passed. Until then, no clear picture or opinion about my Guru emerged in my mind. This kind of attitude of mine was the result of my cumulative experiences with the first two Gurus I approached.
As a turning point at this juncture of time, I met Hari, a disciple of Doctor. He was working in Nestle as marketing manager at Delhi. That day he had come down to Chennai to meet Doctor at the clinic. Doctor was getting ready to go home. I was also ready to leave and Doctor asked me if I could drop Hari at his home on the way. I readily accepted and invited Hari to come with me. Hari was handsome and of my son’s age. I began liking him at first sight. We were good friends until his last breath which was a tragedy I couldn’t believe even to this day. He departed prematurely. Doctor alone knows the reason for illogical event. The photograph of Hari with doctor displayed here was taken long back.
Well, coming to the point, that short trip to Hari’s home was an important occasion in my spiritual journey. It took approximately forty minutes to reach his home from clinic. In that short time, Hari told me so much about Doctor which helped dissolve all my suspicions and see Doctor in right perspective. Latter I realized that Doctor should have planned this meeting with Hari to dispel my illusions about my Master. Hari, in fact was a longstanding disciple of my Master. He had wonderful experiences with our master. He was telling me as much as he could during that short period. Of course on subsequent meets, he shared with me his wealth of experiences with Doctor. After this point of time I began realizing that my Master is not an ordinary guru. It is his grace that he accepted me as his disciple.
Kesavan
